The Problem with Compliments

Oh Calvin...

Do you relate to this?  It seems so silly, but there is truth in the fact that a compliment can make or break us - in the long term.

Often in life, we receive compliments from people that are true, but the person ends up disappointing us.  In our minds, the compliment can become a lie from that other person, and if the compliment is given again, it may be received as a lie.

I’m learning this.  There are good things – gifts – God has placed inside of me.  I’ve been complimented on them before and been burned by the person giving the compliment.  Later, these same compliments become a poison that holds me back from growing in the gift, because I’ve received them as a lie. 

I’m also learning to take a compliment as a statement, give it to God, and ask Him what He thinks.  He alone can affirm or deny the validity of the compliment.

The deeper issue here is this: I’m learning to find my affirmation in God, and not in people.  It’s easy to feed off of the affirmation of people when you’re a do-gooder like me.  But I’ll never be satisfied with the affirmation of a person unless I’m secure in my affirmation with God.  And because of Jesus, He affirms me. 

I don’t believe compliments or affirmation are bad.  In fact, this is one way to speak love into people’s lives!  I believe it can become an idol for me if I know I’m pleasing the person by affirming them, though; and it can become an idol for them if they live for that affirmation alone. 

Am I trying to win the approval of people, or of God?  Am I trying to please people, or God?  If I am trying to please people, I am not a true follower and servant of Christ Jesus.  (Galations 1:10)

While I think many people may be disappointed to know it, I no longer hope to please them.  My first priority is to please God, and when I do that, He makes good things come from my decisions – even if they are difficult to swallow at first. But generally, my choice to please God is a blessing to those around me.

How would your decisions be different if you questioned them in this light?